Pork Roll and Holistic Medicine: How The World’s Greatest Regional Meat Product has saved MILLIONS of lives

To say that Pork Roll is a miracle of medicine is an understatement.

I have literally seen with my own eyes two slices of taylor ham used as defibrillator paddles on a man suffering a heart attack in a NJ diner.  Not only was his life saved that day but afterwards, he would fondly recall the Stacked Pork Egg and Cheese on a Bagel that he was eating that day as, “the greatest breakfast sandwich I have ever shoved into my face.”

Here are a few other ways the ambrosia of New Jersey can save you a trip to the ER.

No matter how deep the cut, Pork Roll’s got you covered. My own father lost the top of one of his fingers in a freak dump truck accident. One 4-pack of Taylor’s Miracle Meat and a week later, BOOM!!… Finger Re-Grown.

Everyone knows that 4th degree burns are no joke and neither are 4th degree blackbelts. The Trenton Tourniquet is so good at treating burns that firefighters across the country carry a tube in their medical kits. In 4-alarm fires, pork roll has also been known to give these firefighter’s additional super powers such as flight and shooting lasers out of their eyes.

“Pork roll is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.” Charlie Chaplin

The dreaded Scraped Knees. Nothing put you out of commission faster than scraping a knee or two. Any sports doctor in the game carries a bag of Case’s Cure-All in their med kit. Even works on scrapes caused by concrete.